Category Archives: Detox

A Bad Day at Bikram

3 August 2012

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You know, as much as I talk about the wonder of the juice train, as much as I stay a positive beacon for broccoli… sometimes I have a sucky day. Sometimes, it just SUCKS. 

Case in point: this morning’s Bikram class. My mind wouldn’t shut up. 

I was positioned between these two Black Bikram Goddesses who wouldn’t know cellulite if it smacked them in the face. I was hot. I was annoyed with myself. I was annoyed with my image in the mirror. I thought, “Ugh. Damn knee injury. Knee won’t lock properly. How do they HONESTLY expect you to stay in these poses? Where’s my water? You look fat. Are those STRETCH MARKS? On your KNEES? Lord have mercy. This is ridiculous. Are we supposed to be bending this way? God didn’t mean for my body to bend this way. This is some bulls***. I’m not made for this crap. I’m too FAT for this crap. Three days out of 60 isn’t bad! You could give up now and no one would really care, would they? So what if you don’t finish. I want cheesecake. I know I hate cheesecake but I want some anyway. It’s so damn hot in here. Just lay down. Who cares if everyone else in class can do this stupid pose? I’m protesting. I’m protesting this pose. I’m protesting for all the fat newbies out there. I’m protesting the perfection of these two heifers next to me. I’m protesting this HEAT. Ugh. Ridiculous. Frickin’ frackin’ BIKRAM BULLS***!!!!!”

I swear, that’s exactly what I was thinking. I stayed in the room and got through the poses, but I sho’ nuff wasn’t happy about it.

And then I realized… it’s Day 3. DAY THREE.

When people ask me about how to move through a juice cleanse, I always tell them that Day 3 is the hardest. It’s the day that your body begins to rebel and good ol’ detox shows up. It’s often the day you have to slug through just to get it done. The day when you piss and moan and complain and bitch and want to reach for the first sugar-coated pork rind you can find. The Day Three Blues… and I guess that’s what hit me this morning.

I suppose that, with ANY major change you make, your mind will rebel against you at some point. The Old Carla is pissed that we have made this decision to bend our way to better health and riled up to show her extreme displeasure. The New Carla told her to shut up. 

Homemade Toothpaste? Really, Carla?

19 June 2012

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I swear that I’m not getting crunchy on y’all. I SWEAR.

This was more about economics and my own desire to eliminate commercial beauty products (full of toxins and unpronounceable ingredients) from my life as much as possible (although I will never, NEVAH EVAH, give up MAC makeup. See? No crunch here).

As I talked about in the Natural Products video, I found a great tooth paste from ToothSoap.com that I used for a while. Problem was, it’s kind of expensive. So I put my Sherlock hat on and combed the ‘Net for an alternative solution.

EUREKA! A natural toothpaste recipe!

I wanted to use it for a couple of weeks before I blogged about it. Lemme tell ya… first of all, it couldn’t be any damn easier to put together. Second, my teeth have NEVER been so white! They are squeaky clean!

Here’s the recipe:

  • 3 tablespoons of coconut oil
  • 3 tablespoons of baking soda (not baking POWDER, baking SODA)
  • 10 drops of peppermint oil
  • 1 pinch of sea salt

Throw it all together in a container. Mix. Dip toothbrush. Brush teeth. DONE!

See how there’s nothing that you can’t pronounce in the ingredients? Gotta love that. I also use hydrogen peroxide as a mouthwash, which is extremely cheap and effective at removing mouth guck. 

I’m a happy, white-toothed, non-crunchy girl.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-CHANGING (From the Inside Out)

15 June 2012

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As I go through my “Pre-Cleanse Transition Week”, I was reflecting back and comparing my October cleanse (the one that got me started) and my January group fast (the one that seemed like Pure D. Hell for me). One of the major differences that came to me was that I was doing a colonic on a weekly basis during my October fast. When comparing the two, I noticed how hungry I WASN’T, how much less detox I was experiencing, and how smooth everything was going during the first one. Needless to say, that was NOT my January experience. On the second fast, it was a struggle to make it through the day, I was an emotional friggin’ MESS, and there were french fries at every turn. Oh, the horror!

Therefore, I jumped up, found the closest colon hydrotherapy spot near my new house and damn near hurtled myself onto the colonic table. I may be a bit silly at times, but mama didn’t raise no fool. If a weekly colonic is gonna make things smoother, I’m all for that plan. 

So, there I am on the table, ready and willing for some major elimination. This is a new practitioner for me, so we spend some time getting to know each other, and I tell her about my habits, my upcoming fast, etc. She agrees with me that a colonic is a great way to prep the body, and we start looking at my, uh, “output”. What do we spy with our little eyes?

Hold that thought. Lemme tell you the second part first. 

Since I’m all about detox, I also scheduled an Aqua Chi session for after my colonic. This is a detox foot bath – you put your feet in a tub of water, and there’s this little motor-like thing that pulls the toxins from your body through the soles of your feet (did you know the soles of your feet have THOUSANDS of pores? I had no idea! Here’s a website that explains how all of this works). You sit for 30 minutes with your feet in the water, quiet music playing, dimmed lights… and I was fully prepared to chill and read a book, but was so fascinated by the water color changing! 

The light green colored water indicated a release of toxins from the lymphatic system, the bladder and the liver. And see those little red specs? Blood clots. FASCINATING!

Even though I clearly had some toxins to release (as everyone does), I was more fascinated at what I DIDN’T see. I used to have lots of candida, mucous and excess “spackle” in my system, and that’s GONE. Also, after the Aqua Chi session, there was no indication of heavy metals in my body (you usually see heavy metal toxicity as a result of using commercial deodorant, mercury in foods like fish, smoking or second-hand smoke, etc). 

Okay, so here’s the point of it all:

I may not be exactly where I want to be on the outside, but my INSIDES are happy and humming! This is a MAJOR step forward and I am giving myself a huge honkin’ pat on the back. This shows me that I’m moving my body and habits in the right direction – cutting out the dairy, breads and junk food while upping the water, fruits and veggies has made a huge difference in my, uh, “output”… so much so that my colonics lady said I didn’t need to have another one for about a month! Also, making a change in the products I use on my skin (see my Natural Products post for what I use on the daily) has also proven to be extremely beneficial. NO HEAVY METALS! Whoo hoo! 

I’m doing it right (correction: I’m doing it right for ME), and for that I have to smile. This is the confirmation I didn’t realize that I needed to go into this next cleanse with gusto and total enthusiasm! Like I’ve been saying all along: detox is the key.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-CHANGES!