2013: The Year of Failure

This post is dedicated to Moms around the world. Having just joined your ranks, lemme tell ya…I have a newfound respect.

Whenever someone calls me a “guru”, I cringe. I remember having a debate with Marc Clarke and Troy Johnson about this – them saying that I was a “juicing guru”, and me rebutting strenuously and almost screaming, “Take that back, dammit!”. To me, a guru is someone who has their stuff together. Whatever their chosen topic, they have mastered it and can emulate it to the T. Y’all may disagree with that definition, but it’s how I feel. Lemme tell you…I’m not that person. Even though I love the concept of health and know the monumental change that fruits and veggies can have on your life and health, I haven’t mastered it. I mean, seriously…what “guru” is going to use the word FAILURE as a post topic and then talk about how they have failed (and hugely) over the past year?

Well, if you think I’m a guru…me. I am. That being said, let me get a little personal and a bit transparent, okay?

2013

2013 has been the hardest year of my life, hands down. Personally, emotionally, physically, financially – on all aspects, it sucked. SUCKED. Now don’t get me wrong. Y’all know I had a baby this year, and he is the absolute love of my life. In addition, my family has come together in a way that was completely unexpected and we’ve grown so much closer because of the little one, and that has been wonderful. Okay. Great. That’s awesome. That being said…THIS YEAR SUCKED.

One of the reasons y’all read this blog is because I’m always honest with you. I was reminded recently that it’s called “Raw Raw LIFE”, not “Raw Raw FOOD”. And this is me, raw and honest.

I had this vision of what the year would bring, what I would do after the baby was born, how the business would progress, how much weight I would lose, how fast I would get to my ideal number on the scale…none of those things happened. Not one. In addition, y’all mothers did NOT warn me about how damn hard this is. I am not one of those people who ever thought they would have children, so I never really prepared for it. This is all new to me, and the reality of how much time and energy this requires and how little sleep or “normalcy” you actually get was completely unexpected. Brass tacks: this is the hardest thing I have ever done and it has shaken me to the core.

Enter Carla Douglin, the stress eater.

Let me go back to that idea of “normalcy”. In my previous life (life before baby), routine was key. I had a drive that couldn’t be matched – I knew what I wanted, where my life was headed, what I wanted to produce and achieve with my business…the whole “1/3/5/10 Year Plan” way of life had my little photo next to the definition in the dictionary. Well, that’s been shot all to hell. My sense of self had been completely turned upside down, my business has slowed to a crawl because I’m too tired to work on it, my house is messy, I’ve GAINED weight and I’ve gotten maybe six full hours of sleep in the last 12 months. Six. SIX, people. These things do not mesh well with healthy eating…at least in my house. They mesh with grabbing anything deep-fried and dipped in chocolate that can be downed in 30 seconds and then being swaddled by a sense of deep guilt and exhaustion.

So, there it is. Ever felt like that?

I think there are folks who may think my journey is easy or perfect or 1+2=3. It’s SO not that, folks…and that’s why I write this out. I write for me, and for everyone who wrestles with life and weight and guilt and the desire to achieve your own sense of perfection, health and happiness. That doesn’t make me a guru. That makes me a girl who’s living life, just like you.

I may go through periods when you don’t hear from me, and when that happens folks, know that I am trying to master wrestling a baby octopus. However, having been through this year with The Bean and getting to a personal low, I’m actually feeling very hopeful and clear about 2014. Being in a place where you don’t want to be actually focuses the mind in ways you wouldn’t believe. In one of my videos, I talk about not wanting my son to remember a fat mommy. No matter how exhausted I’ve been this year, that idea never leaves my mind. No matter how stressed I get, I know the taste of a grapefruit/carrot/ginger juice tastes better than McDonald’s any day. Things may get crazy, but I ain’t crazy. The truth is that I haven’t been raw. I haven’t been vegan or even close…and that reality has made me KNOW that I truly want to be.

So, the next post (which will come out next Thursday and each Thursday from now on) will be about what I look forward to achieving in 2014. For those of you who have hung in there so far, thanks for your support, well wishes and love. It’s been a hard year…and maybe that’s gonna turn out to be the best thing that could have happened for me. Maybe when it all goes wrong, it’s all right.

Juice Fasting: Catching My Balance

Here’s a perfect example of “catching my balance” – I shot and posted this video to YouTube and Facebook yesterday. As I was finishing my Facebook post, the Bean started crying in the other room. I completed the thought on Facebook, launched it, and then spent time with my kid.

That’s not something I would have done before. I would have powered through, made sure the video was posted to the blog AND Facebook AND YouTube; made sure it was properly tagged and SEOd and everything, and not let “distractions” (you see there how I would have called my KID a “distraction” in the past? Seriously, y’all…) keep me from getting the thing done. Now, I would have lived with an amazing amount of guilt for doing that, and it probably would have haunted me for days, but the Type-A Virgo in me wouldn’t have allowed for a break in my routine. She wouldn’t have allowed for change or vulnerability or any issues that came up to “break her stride”.

The truth is, however, sometimes strides get broken. Sometimes life intercedes. Sometimes plans get changed and shifted and tossed to the four winds. Sometimes, shit happens that knocks you down and knocks you down HARD. My Type-A doesn’t ever plan for that. She doesn’t want to allow for that at all.

Thankfully, the balanced side of me is beginning to emerge. It’s not a natural state for me, honestly, but I am working on it. I know that having a baby has helped immensely, because “planning” and “4 months old” don’t really go hand in hand. LOL!

So, during my juicing journey, I got knocked down. Hard. The triggers I talk about in the video below don’t even BEGIN to delve into the depth of why I ate (but I felt that story would take so much time to tell and I wanted to keep it short-ish). However, balance has graciously allowed me to accept my fall, pick myself up, and emerge into a person who really knows what she wants. I wouldn’t have had that without the slip.

Let’s talk about it…

Another TMI Discussion: Today’s Colonic!

Yeah, yeah, yeah…I know. I know, I know, I KNOW you don’t want to have yet another convo about colonics. I know how much I love them and how much some of y’all don’t. All that said, I JUST HAD TO SHARE! I had the GREATEST colonic session today! 

Don’t worry. I’m not breaking out pics or anything, and I’m not going to get graphic about my “output”. I just want to tell y’all what I’m discovering about what’s really possible – for the mind, the body and the heart – on a long juice fast. 

Does A Body Good

 

First, for those of you who wonder about why it’s necessary to do colonics at all, lemme tell you – it’s Day 52 for me and I STILL have solid matter passing through me. Juicing has loosened things up considerably, which is great, and folks have to realize how important it is for you to clean out the stopped-up toxins, processed foods and “spackle” that’s just hanging out in there. Juicing alone doesn’t do it, and neither do fiber pills. As I mentioned in the first TMI Discussion video, you have to flush effectively! That being said, I wasn’t surprised to see what was coming out.

But that’s not all! 

My colon hydrotherapist, Shakeira, took a look at my “output” and said, “Interesting! Have you gone through some emotional release lately?”

OMG! You can see that by what’s comin’ out of my butt?!?! Seriously?

The realization of what this juice fast means to me and my word was a huge moment. HUGE, I tell you. That allowed me to let go of so many emotions, past hurts, unrealistic expectations, falsities, and unclear views. I see me, what I want, and how I can simply “do the thing” and get it. A major release for me. In addition to that, I am evolving even more on a deeper personal level and opening myself love and relationships in a way that I haven’t in years. Holding onto the past and my body issues has held me back for so long, and now I’m moving through it. I see what my patterns were before and saying, “No more. I see and accept me now, clearly and wholly.”

When Shakeira noticed my output and asked me about my emotional release, it made me realize how much what we carry in our heads and our hearts translates into what we carry in our body. My body wasn’t going to release the months (years?) of spackle and waste until I delved into what was really going on in my emotions. Now that I have honestly looked into myself  (and continue to, because the journey never stops), it’s POOP CITY, BABY! How awesome!

Now, let’s turn this to what this means to you. 

My client was telling me that during her first fast, she knew she was just going through the motions. She even told me in our first session how she was focused on weight loss, but not all the emotional stuff (and of course I sat back and chuckled to myself). She made it 27 days and proceeded to then have a complete breakdown. She knows now that tapping (Uh, tapping? DIGGING is more like it) into your emotions while allowing your body, mind, soul, and heart to cleanse while juicing is the key to ultimate health and well being. You cannot have one without the other. 

The question is, have YOU discovered that truth yet? Your colon hydrotherapist may be able to tell you. 

Happy booty cleansing, y’all!