This post is dedicated to Moms around the world. Having just joined your ranks, lemme tell ya…I have a newfound respect.
Whenever someone calls me a “guru”, I cringe. I remember having a debate with Marc Clarke and Troy Johnson about this – them saying that I was a “juicing guru”, and me rebutting strenuously and almost screaming, “Take that back, dammit!”. To me, a guru is someone who has their stuff together. Whatever their chosen topic, they have mastered it and can emulate it to the T. Y’all may disagree with that definition, but it’s how I feel. Lemme tell you…I’m not that person. Even though I love the concept of health and know the monumental change that fruits and veggies can have on your life and health, I haven’t mastered it. I mean, seriously…what “guru” is going to use the word FAILURE as a post topic and then talk about how they have failed (and hugely) over the past year?
Well, if you think I’m a guru…me. I am. That being said, let me get a little personal and a bit transparent, okay?
2013 has been the hardest year of my life, hands down. Personally, emotionally, physically, financially – on all aspects, it sucked. SUCKED. Now don’t get me wrong. Y’all know I had a baby this year, and he is the absolute love of my life. In addition, my family has come together in a way that was completely unexpected and we’ve grown so much closer because of the little one, and that has been wonderful. Okay. Great. That’s awesome. That being said…THIS YEAR SUCKED.
One of the reasons y’all read this blog is because I’m always honest with you. I was reminded recently that it’s called “Raw Raw LIFE”, not “Raw Raw FOOD”. And this is me, raw and honest.
I had this vision of what the year would bring, what I would do after the baby was born, how the business would progress, how much weight I would lose, how fast I would get to my ideal number on the scale…none of those things happened. Not one. In addition, y’all mothers did NOT warn me about how damn hard this is. I am not one of those people who ever thought they would have children, so I never really prepared for it. This is all new to me, and the reality of how much time and energy this requires and how little sleep or “normalcy” you actually get was completely unexpected. Brass tacks: this is the hardest thing I have ever done and it has shaken me to the core.
Enter Carla Douglin, the stress eater.
Let me go back to that idea of “normalcy”. In my previous life (life before baby), routine was key. I had a drive that couldn’t be matched – I knew what I wanted, where my life was headed, what I wanted to produce and achieve with my business…the whole “1/3/5/10 Year Plan” way of life had my little photo next to the definition in the dictionary. Well, that’s been shot all to hell. My sense of self had been completely turned upside down, my business has slowed to a crawl because I’m too tired to work on it, my house is messy, I’ve GAINED weight and I’ve gotten maybe six full hours of sleep in the last 12 months. Six. SIX, people. These things do not mesh well with healthy eating…at least in my house. They mesh with grabbing anything deep-fried and dipped in chocolate that can be downed in 30 seconds and then being swaddled by a sense of deep guilt and exhaustion.
So, there it is. Ever felt like that?
I think there are folks who may think my journey is easy or perfect or 1+2=3. It’s SO not that, folks…and that’s why I write this out. I write for me, and for everyone who wrestles with life and weight and guilt and the desire to achieve your own sense of perfection, health and happiness. That doesn’t make me a guru. That makes me a girl who’s living life, just like you.
I may go through periods when you don’t hear from me, and when that happens folks, know that I am trying to master wrestling a baby octopus. However, having been through this year with The Bean and getting to a personal low, I’m actually feeling very hopeful and clear about 2014. Being in a place where you don’t want to be actually focuses the mind in ways you wouldn’t believe. In one of my videos, I talk about not wanting my son to remember a fat mommy. No matter how exhausted I’ve been this year, that idea never leaves my mind. No matter how stressed I get, I know the taste of a grapefruit/carrot/ginger juice tastes better than McDonald’s any day. Things may get crazy, but I ain’t crazy. The truth is that I haven’t been raw. I haven’t been vegan or even close…and that reality has made me KNOW that I truly want to be.
So, the next post (which will come out next Thursday and each Thursday from now on) will be about what I look forward to achieving in 2014. For those of you who have hung in there so far, thanks for your support, well wishes and love. It’s been a hard year…and maybe that’s gonna turn out to be the best thing that could have happened for me. Maybe when it all goes wrong, it’s all right.